a big decision

i'm not even going to apologize for the length of this post or the lack of pretty pictures! but i do pray that you'll read the entire post - clear to the end!!! you'll be blessed. even if you don't realize it at the moment!!!

i've been praying that God will reveal some things to me & some things have happened that made me think a lot & pray more. yesterday at lunch bruce & joyce & i had a good discussion & idols was one of the subjects that came up. God revealed to me that i've got some idols in my life that i need to get rid of.

i've made a very big decision in my life.


remember about 1 1/2 years ago when i "cut" the cable? i've gone a year & a half without tv & i don't miss it a bit! in fact, the few times i've been at grandma's or elsewhere & have been around a tv, it sort of bugs me! gets on my nerves! i've joked that "everything in my little world is happy, there's no news, no crime, no killings, etc." some people have said that i'm living in a fantasy world. well, if that's how you feel, so be it, but i'm a lot happier, more relaxed, & i get a lot more accomplished. tv had become an idol & i'm not worshipping that idol anymore.


1 samuel 12:21 says: "do not turn away after useless idols, they can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless." (niv) the king james says, "vain things", the nasb says "futile things".

psalm 78:56 says: "...they aroused His jealousy with their idols" (niv, kj, nasb) (made God angry)

i john 5:21 says: "....guard yourselves from idols." (nasb) the niv & kj says "keep yourselves from idols."

so what's an idol? it doesn't necessarily have to be a little golden statue like the hebrews made when they got impatient waiting for moses to come down from the mountain when he was talking to God. an idol is anything that takes the place of God & our time with Him.

i had been watching too much useless tv = 2+ hours of news, the same old news repeated over & over & it was stuff i had no control over & could do nothing about, so what good was it doing for me to watch it? do i really need to know about the traffic pile up on the southeast side of town when i don't EVER drive over there? do i need to know about the drug busts & shootings & all the other crime? no! and then i'd watch all sorts of useless tv programs or reruns over & over, hour after hour. sure, i've learned lots of diy stuff on diytv or hgtv, but do i need to watch hours of people trying to sell their house? or weird looking people making cupcakes? or rough old ugly men catching crabs near alaska? one sunday afternoon i watched "deadliest catch" for 6 hours STRAIGHT!!!!!! they threw the basket out, pulled it in, for 6 hours!!! what did i learn from that?! how did that change my life for eternity?

so i got rid of that idol. and i read books instead. oh, yeah, i had lots more time to read my bible & i did. but somehow it's a lot easier to read a 300 page novel in one evening than it is to read a few chapters of the bible. why is that? satan has such pull on our lives. we have so many fun things to do instead of just sit with God, talking to Him & reading His word. stamping & scrapbooking had become an idol for me.....to the point that i just had to stop for awhile. i have tons of scrapbooking to get caught up on & i will someday. i'm not worried about it like i used to be. i thought, "i HAVE to get these pictures scrapbooked so they'll be preserved forever for generations to come." but now i think "not gonna have these scrapbooks or pictures in heaven, so what's the urgency?" now i stamp when i want to & if i don't stamp a card in time for some occassion or someone's birthday, i tell them "happy birthday, i didn't get a chance to make you a card" & i don't buy store-bought cards anymore.

busyness can also be an idol. if you're so busy doing stuff, you're not sitting with the Lord. oh sure, i do lots of talking to God when i'm busy doing a project, but i'm the one doing all the talking. i'm not listening to Him, not reading His word to see what He has to say to me.

people can be idols. it's not right if i'm concentrating on someone more than i'm concentrating on God. if i think about someone more than i think about God, then i'm making that person an idol.

and lately the internet & facebook have become idols to me. it's so easy to spend HOURS on the internet.....even when you say you're just gonna check emails & get off, then you look at the clock & 3+ hours have gone by in what seemed like minutes. and during that time i could have been with the Lord.

i can't get rid of the internet - at least not yet!! these days so much happens on line - paying bills, email, etc. but there are parts of the internet that i need to get rid of. facebook is one of them!

i've been praying a lot lately that God will show me things that are hinderances to my relationship with Him, & things that i need to work on & fix in my life. remember awhile back when i wrote about how my prayer life was suffering & i didn't even want to talk to God? satan was using so many things to drive a wedge between me & God. well, that ain't gonna happen!!!! my relationship with God is too important!!!! i want that relationship to be #1. i don't want to get to heaven & have God say to me, "look at all these opportunities you had to spend time with me & you chose _________." i already feel like i've wasted so much time!

one thing God has revealed to me is i have a problem with my tongue. and my fingers. and my brain. and my heart. in this age of communicating electronically it's so easy to "say" something that you mean one way but it's interpreted a totally different way. i've "said" some things that i thought were funny but people "took" them a different way & it's caused friction or grief. last week i sent a friend an email & told this person several things he needed to do -- all in light fun - at least i thought so. the email i received back slapped me in the face & stung! he didn't say anything mean, but what he said sure hit me & made me re-read my email & i realized i sounded very bossy. i don't want to be a bossy person. i don't want to hurt friends. i sent an apology email but there has been no response. no "it's ok, don't worry about it." i'm praying that this relationship hasn't been damaged because of my tongue & fingers. another example is a fb post just yesterday where i told someone how much i appreciated them & instead of leaving it at that, i said something that could have been read by many people as not very nice even though i meant it to be funny. meant it without even thinking about it. or when i say something "funny" or jokingly to suzanne & she gets offended. & hurt. sometimes my tongue flaps without my brain being engaged. sometimes my fingers type things without my brain working, without thinking. and in all these instances my tongue, fingers, brain are not in line with how my heart is or should be. you'd think after all these years of living that i'd be a smarter, wiser person!

proverbs 16:23 says, "a wise man's heart guides his mouth." (niv) in luke 6:45 Jesus says, "the good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart." (nasb) i don't want to have an evil heart! i don't want to say things that hurt others. i want wisdom.

AND GUESS WHAT MY PROVERBS31WOMAN DEVOTIONAL WAS ABOUT THIS MORNING?!?!?!?!?!!! i swear those ladies peek in my windows!!!! but it's really God peeking in my heart. guiding me closer & closer to Him!!

it was titled, "did i really say that?"
so convicting!!!! go read it!

here are a couple more verses that i read today that have convicted me.....

proverbs 12:18 & 23: "reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" "....the heart of fools blurts out folly." (niv) notice how the heart blurts out folly? i don't want a foolish heart.

so i've prayed about this all day long. luckily what i was doing at work gave me the opportunity to pray! and i came to the decision that i need to deactivate my fb account. maybe for awhile. maybe forever. who knows? only God. it's become an idol. i HAVE to turn it on & see what everyone's been doing. i have to post when i shouldn't. i even admit that i've been looking for gratification when i post something. & when i post something that i think is monumental & no one answers but when someone else writes some silly thing that i don't think is "newsworthy" & they get tons of replies, i get my feelings hurt!!! i want to be as popular as they are! it's satan using that little "pride card" to get my walk with the Lord all out of whack, make me feel unworthy, unloved, unaccepted.

whew!!! i'm really being transparent tonight!!!!!! well, it's just one step towards my becoming more of the way God wants me to be. i guess if i'm gonna pray & ask God to reveal areas that i need work on & to fix, when He reveals them, i have to acknowledge them & then do something about them or my prayers are futile.

i've also been praying that God would give me such a strong desire, a hunger for His Word. i want to search the bible & take it all in & learn it like never before. i've wasted so much time & don't feel like i've got much time left. i don't think we're gonna have a chance in heaven to "get caught up." we've gotta read it NOW 'cuz we'll be so busy worshipping Him that we won't have a chance to read it then!!!!

it's late & i got started writing this post late, but i wanted to do it tonight so y'all would have the opportunity to read it before i "disappear off the face of the facebook world" so you're not wondering what's happened to me. (even that sounds a little prideful---like i want you to wonder & worry where i am. i truly don't mean it that way!!!)

so if you need - or want - to talk to me........

1. come over & see me..............
2. email me ........ dmerdely28@clear.net
3. call me - i only have a cell phone now, so email me & i'll send you my #
4. send me an old fashioned letter or card!!!
5. follow me on my blog. you can "follow" (see the right hand side for the "follow link") & you'll get notifications of when i post on my blog. or bookmark my address www.texascountrygirl28.blogspot.com & just check in every day or so to see if i've got a new post.

i'll try to post everyday or every couple days or every week. can't promise how often it'll be - it may vary, just depends on what the Lord puts on my heart to write about!!! but you can be sure i'll be spending a LOT more time with the Lord & reading His word & hopefully growing more like He wants, not what i want.

thanks for being my friends----you still are & always will be!!!