goodbye

goodbye.
that was the word i heard as my broken heart was ripped from my chest. thrown to the ground & blown away like dust when that door shut.

goodbye.
that was the word, along with WHY?, that played over & over in my head.

goodbye.
that is the word that i say now, in this final post on my blog. my final post on facebook. my final pin on pinterest.
i'm tired of trying to pretend that i'm the strong one. i was strong. i wanted to be strong. but i'm tired of lugging around all the broken pieces, trying so hard not to let anyone see how broken they were.

i'm tired. tired of .....tired of forgetting what i was going to say......tired of trying to hold it all together. tired of wanting so badly to be loved (by friends, by my kids, by a man.) tired of feeling so all alone in a crowd of people, whether it be at work, at church, in "blogland".

i'm alone right now. and that's the way it needs to be for now. i don't have a broken heart anymore. in its place is an empty hole. i know Jesus is the only one who can fix that, fill that hole. so for now it's gonna be just Him & me. i don't know if i'll ever write again. maybe. maybe not.

only time will tell. goodbye.

it's friday eve!!!

mowing the grass by the light of the full moon was pretty cool!!!!

(with the flash)

(without the flash)
i did the backyard 1st tonight while it was still daylight. we've had a lot of rain this past week, but today was a sunny day & it dried up enough to mow. it really needed it too. by the time i started on the front it was just beginning to get dark & then it was almost like someone flipped the switch & turned out the light!!!!!

i'm pretty sure i did a good job

but we'll see in the morning how it REALLY looks!!!!

THIS is what happens to your yard when dishwashing liquid is spilled on it.

i'm a little irritated, but at least her car got clean. i've gotta do something with it this weekend. it went from a little splotch to a HUGE splotch! my beautiful, green grass -- survived the hot houston summer but not my daughter!!!!

now that the yard is mowed, the dog is walked & played with & fed, i'm making chili.

tomorrow "my boys" are coming over for dinner again. george & clint won't be here this time, but we'll have fun without them. (i didn't blog about it, but i posted on facebook 2 weeks ago when george strait, clint black & several others were here, in MY living room!!!)(not the REAL guys, but one of the guys in my office is a singer - he plays in clubs & can sing as good as any CW artist - maybe even better! and he doesn't just strum the guitar. he PLAYS it -- really really good!!! he was supposed to come tomorrow night, but he has to help his brother move --- poor excuse if you ask me!!!!! but the rest of the guys from my office will be here & well have fun.)

we'll have chili, grilled jalepeno poppers (made from scratch by one of the guys) & s'mores

-- hope the weather's as nice tomorrow night as it is now! who knows, maybe sam will show up!!!

well, i'm gonna go clean up the kitchen & get to bed.

when i wake up (several times during the night!) it will be FRIDAY!!!!!

random musings over the last few weeks

i just haven't felt like i've had anything to say lately.

been busy -- with WHAT, i don't know!!!! mostly work. been working some late hours & then when i get home, i don't want to do anything.

"worked" a golf tournament last thursday. it was a beautiful day to be outside!!!! i learned how to drive a golf cart!!!!!!! i was scared to death -- me, who's not afraid of power tools & saws & can drive a "stick" -- afraid i'd tip it over, run in the lake, drive off a cliff!!!!!

i MADE one of the guys i work with pick me up at the clubhouse & drive me to the 13th hole where we were. and when i had to make a picture run to walgreens, i MADE him drive me back to the parking lot & pick me up when i got back. the next run i drove. what a silly person i am!!!! how EASY!!!!! i had such fun driving it -- i can drive with 1 hand, i can drive drinking a bottle of water, i can drive with my boss in the cart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (almost lost him once when we hit a bump -- not really!!!!!!)

i had such fun driving the golf cart that i just might get a job driving golf carts when i get older!!!!!!!!!!!


i've been wasting too much time on pinterest lately. my "virtual" life. where everything is beautiful & perfect!

sunday morning while cooking sweet potato cassarole for potluck at church, my oven decided to stop working. i NEVER use my over but now that it's not working, i can think of 100's of things to bake in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "ain't that always the way it goes"!!!!!

there are millions of yummy looking things on pinterest -- i never much looked at the food on there since i'm not really "into" cooking, but now that the oven is broken, i've been looking at the food!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't have the money to get the oven fixed right now, so that's a good diet tactic!!!!!!!! however, HOW is it POSSIBLE to gain weight just by LOOKING at pictures on pinterest?????????????????????????????

a few weeks ago i reinforced geronimo's pallet house. wouldn't ya know it -- that stinker has already dismantled part of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he just HAS to have something to do during the day while i'm at work! wish he could put his strength & brains to work doing something PRODUCTIVE around here rather than destroying EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

my best friend's son is getting married in 2 weeks. had a shower for his bride to be saturday at a little tea room in spring. i've known colin since he was 4. doesn't seem possible that he's old enough to get married!!!

wish i was old enough to get married..............some days i think i'm too old.

friday as i was leaving the office one of the guys asked if i had plans for the weekend. i said "well, tonight's my "geriatric night" -- i'm going to the nursing home to see pa pa & grandma & then to a birthday party for a sweet little old lady from church who's turning 88 years old."

he said, "dorothy, don't take this the wrong way, but you need to get some friends your own age!"

boy is he right.

everyone i hang around with is either way older than me or way younger. either at the nursing home or in preschool sunday school. all the guys i work with are in their early 20's.

i don't think there's anyone left in the world that's my age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm tired of being the "3rd wheel" too.

and we all know from my experience with "match.com" & "eharmony" that there's no one in a 500 mile radius OR THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF THE WORLD that is a match for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guess i'll just go plan my pretend pinterest wedding

with my pretend boyfriend

build my pretend pinterest dream home --
front yard:

back yard:

& cook pretend pinterest dinners

or maybe i'll just get pretend pinterest drunk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, shut my mama mouth!!!

oh, i sure needed to read this devotion today........... this afternoon while at work i was "writing" a post in my head about something that happened. it didn't have anything to do with washing dishes. and i didn't get mad. i was very calm. it was all about time. or rather not taking the time. not spending time. time that is now forever gone.

on the way home from work i think the Holy Spirit spoke to me & said, "don't write any of the stuff you were going to write. just shut your mama mouth & let it be"!!

so--i'm gonna shut my mama mouth............. & just let you read it! and read to the end because i have a comment at the end.


Proverbs31Woman
September 30, 2013

Me and My Mama Mouth
by Karen Ehman

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." (Proverbs 31:26 ESV)

The other day my son, a smart preteen, was up to the challenge of washing the dishes. He didn't give me an attitude when asked. He wasn't disrespectful. He didn't drag his feet. So why was I battling the urge to harshly point out how he was doing it all wrong?

Because he wasn't doing it my way.

He started with the grimy pots, then moved to the plates and silverware. Finally, he had to bubble up more water to spit-shine the glasses. While working, he stacked plastic cups in a pyramid.

Irritation welled up. An unkind reaction was itching to come out. I could easily have let my momma mouth take over: It uses way more water to wash the dishes in that order. Plus the water is filthy now! Stop playing with those cups while you work. You're so slow.

I wanted to be a control freak. I wanted to fire off the unkind words hidden in my unspoken thoughts: The only way to do the dishes is my way. I see different as wrong. I interpret a preteen being a preteen—with a slight distraction of fun—as "slow."

But when I unload on junior, or anyone, it has the potential to damage our relationship and plant mental seeds of his mom's view of him, whether verbalized or implied (lazy, wasteful, distracted, and slow). It does not, as Proverbs 31:26 states, come close to resembling a woman who "opens her mouth with wisdom and speaks with kindness on her tongue."

It's better if these potentially frustrating scenarios play out differently. So let's replay that scene with a Spirit-controlled response.

As I see my son doing the dishes, I can make a mental note to explain how to do it next time in a way that will save water, money, and time. I can praise his efforts, keeping in mind his age and abilities. I can acknowledge his unique method. I saw the clever way you stacked those dishes. You always make work fun.

I can ask myself questions that will help keep my mama mouth in check. Questions like: Does it matter now or will it matter tomorrow? Will it affect eternity? Is God trying to teach me something? Can I pause and praise instead of interrupt and instigate? Is this really an issue that needs addressing? Am I being a control freak? Do I need to let it go?

The interaction wouldn't damage; it would nurture. It would be wise. Kind. And there would be no lost time, regrets, or need to call in the United Nations peace-keeping forces for intervention.

This mama would be less control-freakish and more Proverbs 31-womanish. It might not come easily—trust me, it usually doesn't—but with the Holy Spirit, it is possible to speak with kindness.

Dear Lord, may I purpose to temper my words with Your Holy Spirit as I interact with my family today. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Respond
Think of an incident from the past where you did not use your words in a way that was kind or loving. Revisit the situation. How could you have spoken in a way that would honor God? Could you have used a different tone of voice? Word choice? Timing?

Power Verses
Psalm 139:4; Psalm 37:30

Taken from Encouragement for Today: Devotions for Everyday Living by Renee Swope, Lysa TerKeurst, Samantha Evilsizer and the Proverbs 31 Ministries Team. © 2013 by Proverbs 31 Ministries. Used by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com.



what's that song by cher -- "if i could turn back time"........."i'd take back those words that hurt you & you'd stay....i didn't really mean to hurt you....i didn't want to see you go, i know i made you cry"

next time, i will spend the time.

i promised him.......

.....that we'd go walking as soon as the homemade granola was done baking.

so.......

at 10:30 10:32 at night......

he's already rung the bells about 5 times -- that's my "signal" that it's time for a walk!!! (i don't know what the heck's on the bottom of that door!! i'll have to check that out tomorrow!)

here we go!!!!

he's just a LITTLE BIT excited!!!!!

ya make a promise -- ya keep a promise. even if it's to your dog!

just a typical saturday.....

got my exercise today -- mowed the front & back yards, pulled weeds in 1 flowerbed, played with the dog, chased a frog around the house. the INSIDE of the house!!!

he came in with me when i opened the back door. i chased him around the living room with a broom & plastic bowl. (both of which i just happened to have in my hands when i came in the door.) i don't know which one of us was more scared!!!!

finally got him back out the door.


i might be a country girl, but i don't want frogs IN my house!!!!!


here are some pictures i took to blog about, but never got around to it-----
cooling off on a hot day:

our other dog kristi loved to chase the water from the hose or sprinkler. geronimo has always been afraid of it. but last saturday he played in the "mister" sprinkler & loved it!!

last saturday i cleaned the garage. i didn't take any "before" pictures -- you don't want to see the mess it was in!!! how does it get like that???? i always put stuff away......!!!!!

i organized all the paint on one set of shelves; organized the tools all on another shelf. rearranged the peg board wall so i could hang my barbed wire instead of just having it lying on the ground. (i do have one bunch still lying on the ground, but it's off & out of the way now. (not laying right by my car door like it was before!!!!) i think the hanging bunch is going to stay right there as a decoration -- ya gotta have a nice decorated garage!!!!!

that jewelry cabinet is a "side of the road" find (from the neighbors next door!!!!!) that i'm going to do something with soon!

the wagon got moved to the garage when i rearranged the front porch. it's been in the backyard, the front porch, & now in the garage.........for now!

last saturday i also fixed the pallet dog house. he kept getting his chain caught on the slats. (he didn't have this problem with the other chain we had which was one of those heavy duty plastic/rubber/something coated wire "chains". but he kept chewing on it & chewed right through the wires. twice.) he HAS to be chained because if he wasn't, he'd get into big trouble, dig his way out or jump over the fence. he has a link chain now, it's more sturdy -- he won't chew through it, but it gets caught on things a little easier. like on the slats of the pallets. i had some pallets that were "finished" on the edges so i put one on the "roof" & dismantled another pallet to fill in the gaps so it's a nice solid "roof"/sunbathing surface! i fixed up the sides & front & now he can't get caught up on it. and it's a lot more "rainproof" too!

it might be a little "redneck", but heck, it was totally free & it works!!! there's no way i'm spending $500 + for a "cheap" dog house that he might not even go in! he loves this one, uses both the inside & the topside. he's happy & so am i!!! i'm thinking about painting his name on the front!!

so much more room!!!!

so that used up another 4 pallets which means i have only 3 pallets & some boards left from the 23 pallets i had last christmas!!!! oh -- my friend joyce has 1 in her garage for me!!!! good, because i have another project in mind!!!!!

last saturday i must have had lots of energy because i ALSO finished painting the pallet lawn chair!! (& all this was AFTER painting my friend's bathroom friday night!!!!)

so glad to have THAT finally done!! i re-stuffed & sewed the chair cushion too!!!

WHEW!!! i'm tired just thinking about all that!!!!! i think i'll go to bed now!!

preview of my next project

tonight on the way home from the nursing home i thought of my next project!!!

when i repainted my bedroom i took down the wallpaper border. i like the "freshness" of not having border clutter the walls. but since i had border up when i textured the one wall more than a decade or 2 ago, i had a gap of untextured wall where the border had been.

kinda hard to see......but it's there & i seem to look at it a lot! probably no one else would even see it, but i do!

i can't do those arrows & words on pictures like some bloggers do -- so you'll just have to squint to see it!!!

i can see it pretty good, can you?

i don't want to put any border up, but i did think of a "what i think is going to be a cute idea" --

-- and it involves 2 of my favorite things:
pallet boards & doorknobs!!!

i can't wait to get started, but it's too late tonight!!!!!