goodbye

goodbye.
that was the word i heard as my broken heart was ripped from my chest. thrown to the ground & blown away like dust when that door shut.

goodbye.
that was the word, along with WHY?, that played over & over in my head.

goodbye.
that is the word that i say now, in this final post on my blog. my final post on facebook. my final pin on pinterest.
i'm tired of trying to pretend that i'm the strong one. i was strong. i wanted to be strong. but i'm tired of lugging around all the broken pieces, trying so hard not to let anyone see how broken they were.

i'm tired. tired of .....tired of forgetting what i was going to say......tired of trying to hold it all together. tired of wanting so badly to be loved (by friends, by my kids, by a man.) tired of feeling so all alone in a crowd of people, whether it be at work, at church, in "blogland".

i'm alone right now. and that's the way it needs to be for now. i don't have a broken heart anymore. in its place is an empty hole. i know Jesus is the only one who can fix that, fill that hole. so for now it's gonna be just Him & me. i don't know if i'll ever write again. maybe. maybe not.

only time will tell. goodbye.

it's friday eve!!!

mowing the grass by the light of the full moon was pretty cool!!!!

(with the flash)

(without the flash)
i did the backyard 1st tonight while it was still daylight. we've had a lot of rain this past week, but today was a sunny day & it dried up enough to mow. it really needed it too. by the time i started on the front it was just beginning to get dark & then it was almost like someone flipped the switch & turned out the light!!!!!

i'm pretty sure i did a good job

but we'll see in the morning how it REALLY looks!!!!

THIS is what happens to your yard when dishwashing liquid is spilled on it.

i'm a little irritated, but at least her car got clean. i've gotta do something with it this weekend. it went from a little splotch to a HUGE splotch! my beautiful, green grass -- survived the hot houston summer but not my daughter!!!!

now that the yard is mowed, the dog is walked & played with & fed, i'm making chili.

tomorrow "my boys" are coming over for dinner again. george & clint won't be here this time, but we'll have fun without them. (i didn't blog about it, but i posted on facebook 2 weeks ago when george strait, clint black & several others were here, in MY living room!!!)(not the REAL guys, but one of the guys in my office is a singer - he plays in clubs & can sing as good as any CW artist - maybe even better! and he doesn't just strum the guitar. he PLAYS it -- really really good!!! he was supposed to come tomorrow night, but he has to help his brother move --- poor excuse if you ask me!!!!! but the rest of the guys from my office will be here & well have fun.)

we'll have chili, grilled jalepeno poppers (made from scratch by one of the guys) & s'mores

-- hope the weather's as nice tomorrow night as it is now! who knows, maybe sam will show up!!!

well, i'm gonna go clean up the kitchen & get to bed.

when i wake up (several times during the night!) it will be FRIDAY!!!!!

random musings over the last few weeks

i just haven't felt like i've had anything to say lately.

been busy -- with WHAT, i don't know!!!! mostly work. been working some late hours & then when i get home, i don't want to do anything.

"worked" a golf tournament last thursday. it was a beautiful day to be outside!!!! i learned how to drive a golf cart!!!!!!! i was scared to death -- me, who's not afraid of power tools & saws & can drive a "stick" -- afraid i'd tip it over, run in the lake, drive off a cliff!!!!!

i MADE one of the guys i work with pick me up at the clubhouse & drive me to the 13th hole where we were. and when i had to make a picture run to walgreens, i MADE him drive me back to the parking lot & pick me up when i got back. the next run i drove. what a silly person i am!!!! how EASY!!!!! i had such fun driving it -- i can drive with 1 hand, i can drive drinking a bottle of water, i can drive with my boss in the cart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (almost lost him once when we hit a bump -- not really!!!!!!)

i had such fun driving the golf cart that i just might get a job driving golf carts when i get older!!!!!!!!!!!


i've been wasting too much time on pinterest lately. my "virtual" life. where everything is beautiful & perfect!

sunday morning while cooking sweet potato cassarole for potluck at church, my oven decided to stop working. i NEVER use my over but now that it's not working, i can think of 100's of things to bake in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "ain't that always the way it goes"!!!!!

there are millions of yummy looking things on pinterest -- i never much looked at the food on there since i'm not really "into" cooking, but now that the oven is broken, i've been looking at the food!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't have the money to get the oven fixed right now, so that's a good diet tactic!!!!!!!! however, HOW is it POSSIBLE to gain weight just by LOOKING at pictures on pinterest?????????????????????????????

a few weeks ago i reinforced geronimo's pallet house. wouldn't ya know it -- that stinker has already dismantled part of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he just HAS to have something to do during the day while i'm at work! wish he could put his strength & brains to work doing something PRODUCTIVE around here rather than destroying EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

my best friend's son is getting married in 2 weeks. had a shower for his bride to be saturday at a little tea room in spring. i've known colin since he was 4. doesn't seem possible that he's old enough to get married!!!

wish i was old enough to get married..............some days i think i'm too old.

friday as i was leaving the office one of the guys asked if i had plans for the weekend. i said "well, tonight's my "geriatric night" -- i'm going to the nursing home to see pa pa & grandma & then to a birthday party for a sweet little old lady from church who's turning 88 years old."

he said, "dorothy, don't take this the wrong way, but you need to get some friends your own age!"

boy is he right.

everyone i hang around with is either way older than me or way younger. either at the nursing home or in preschool sunday school. all the guys i work with are in their early 20's.

i don't think there's anyone left in the world that's my age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm tired of being the "3rd wheel" too.

and we all know from my experience with "match.com" & "eharmony" that there's no one in a 500 mile radius OR THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF THE WORLD that is a match for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guess i'll just go plan my pretend pinterest wedding

with my pretend boyfriend

build my pretend pinterest dream home --
front yard:

back yard:

& cook pretend pinterest dinners

or maybe i'll just get pretend pinterest drunk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!